Battleship is “inspired by” the classic naval combat board game by Hasbro. That explains why there’s no real plot or character development. Just your good ol’ fashioned heroes (go Navy!) and villains (Aliens, go home!).

The movie is like a bizarre mish-mash of Top Gun, Independence Day and Transformers, without any big movie stars (except for Liam Neeson, who adds a touch of gravitas to the cast but only appears for about 10 minutes. false advertising!).

Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch (Friday Night Lights) as Alex Hopper, a perennial screw-up who oozes charm and untapped potential. In an effort to force him to grow up, his older, responsible brother Commander Stone Hopper (True Blood’s Alexander Skarsgård) single-handedly drafts Alex into the Navy. Next thing you know, Alex is a Lieutenant, engaged to the Admiral’s daughter (“swimsuit model-turned-actress” Brooklyn Decker) and conducting naval exercises next to singer Rihanna (okay, so she doesn’t really play herself but, whatever.)

To make a long (inconsequential) story short, Alex must step up to the plate to save the world when an alien force drops in for a visit and cuts a path of destruction on land and at sea with flying ball-shaped things that go kaboom.

It has a blaring soundtrack, lots of eye candy, and cheesy dialogue that’s fit (enough) for a mindless almost-summer action-adventure sci-fi flick. I can’t recommend spending 10 bucks or more on it. But if you must go (and if you’ve already seen the far superior Avengers movie), just keep your expectations in check… and figure that it’s probably better than What to Expect When You’re Expecting (see Adventurous Chick’s review of that one).

The movie also features a host of other reluctant heroes from the Marvel Comic Universe, including the Shakespearean thunder god Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the recently defrosted World War Two soldier-extraordinaire, Captain America (Chris Evans), the mild-mannered doctor-turned-green-monster-when-he’s-angry The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), the brooding guy who’s good with arrows, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), and the psychologically damaged superspy chick in a form-fitting bodysuit, Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson).

They’re called into action by Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), the persuasive head of an international spy agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., to retrieve some little blue box of energy called The Tesseract and save the world from an army of aliens led by Thor’s evil adopted brother Loki. I’ve gotta admit, the plot kinda lost me. But it really didn’t matter. The Avengers has a kick-ass cast and it’s a ton of fun watching the mish-mash of superheroes spar with each other, physically and verbally, then have each other’s backs – sort of – when the obligatory epic battle scenes commence. Go Team!?

The interactions between Captain America and Iron Man, between Iron Man and Thor, and between Thor and The Hulk provide the bulk of the entertainment. And Loki (Tom Hiddleston) makes for a quirky and engaging villain. Hawkeye and Black Widow definitely take a back seat in this one (and it’s easy to see why their characters don’t have their own movie franchises.)

The Avengers is written and directed by the uber-talented Joss Whedon, who knows how to make a well-paced crowd-pleaser. The movie is nearly two and a half hours long, but time – like Iron Man – flies. I’m not sure the 3D added all that much, but it’s definitely worth trying to see it in IMAX, or at least on a really big screen.

Bottom line: Even if you don’t know a Loki from a gnocchi, The Avengers is good for a solid cinematic escape.

Be sure and stick around for the end-credits, especially if you’re a comic book geek. There’s a small hint of what’s to come. Because – duh – the studios are already working on a sequel. And did I mention that Iron Man 3 is due out May 3, 2013… the Thor sequel on Nov. 13, 2013… and Captain America 2 in April 2014?  But first, we’ve got to get through the next Batman, Spiderman and Superman sequels and reboots! Ah, summer. Bring it on!

May the odds be ever in your favor

The premise is admittedly bizarre. Every year, a teenage boy and girl from the 12 districts of Panem are sent to the Capitol to compete in a nationally televised, fight-to-the-death competition known as The Hunger Games. The Games were created as punishment for an uprising against the Capital decades earlier – and perpetuated as a way to keep the districts in line. Think of the 12 Districts as home to the 99 percent. The Capitol houses the 1 percent.

The Games’ participants, known as Tributes, must fight one another until one survivor remains. And just like Texas with the Miss America pageant, some tributes are better prepped than others for the competition.

The heroine of The Hunger Games is Katniss Evergreen, played with an impressive mix of fear, stoicism, sarcasm, bravery and cunning by the very talented Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone). Katniss volunteers for the brutal competition in order to spare her little sister Prim – so you can’t help but root for her from the get-go. But these games aren’t just about winning. They’re about the lines we draw – and the lines we cross – in an effort to survive, and our willingness or reluctance to challenge the status quo. The books and the movie are tinged with themes of war, politics, morality, ethics, desensitization to violence and absurdity, and the role of reality television in feeding the frenzy. It’s also just good storytelling/drama. 

Here’s the rub:  I loved the first book (“The Hunger Games”), liked the second one (“Catching Fire”) and was less than satisfied with the third (“Mockingjay”). So I’m a bit concerned with how it might all play out in the end. But first thing’s first…

The Hunger Games movie is well cast and beautifully shot. I had some trouble warming up to Josh Hutcherson (The Kids Are All Right) as Katniss’s fellow tribute and potential ally/love interest Peeta. But he grew on me as the movie progressed. And I definitely look forward to seeing more of the hunky Liam Hemsworth (The Last Song) as Katniss’s long-time friend, hunting partner and potential love interest Gale. Other casting coups of note: Stanley Tucci as the colorful emcee of the Games, Elizabeth Banks as the flaky tribute chaperone Effie Trinket, and Woody Harrelson as drunken mentor Haymitch Abernathy. They add a strong shot of color and humor to the twisted proceedings.

Parents, be forewarned however. This movie is PG-13. Kids do kill kids. The violence is tempered with quick cuts and montages, but it’s still the stuff of nightmares. That said, if you’ve read the books, you’re going to see the movies. It’s really as simple as that. I highly recommend reading the trilogy beforehand to help plug in holes in character development and recognize the bits of foreshadowing. But reading the books is not mandatory. The Hunger Games can still hold its own for the general audience – including those adults who don’t want to be caught reading “teen lit” and still don’t ‘get’ the whole Twilight thing.

Bottom line: The odds will ever be in favor of this trilogy meeting hyper-expectations and selling oodles of tickets over the next few years. And did I mention that Taylor Swift is on the soundtrack? Cue the record sales. The book sales. And the box office.

Normally, I’d embed the trailer below. But the studios must have blocked the embedding option in their efforts to fan the flames of anticipation. Oh well. You can see it on YouTube if you’re really desperate. http://youtu.be/RNxb28j5C1w

In the meantime, in the spirit of rebellion, I offer this up instead:

21 Jump Street stars the oft-schlubby (Oscar-nominated turn in Moneyball not withstanding) Jonah Hill and the oft-hunky-romantic-drama lead Channing Tatum (The Vow, Dear John) as two under-achieving cops who are sent back to high school to find out who’s supplying and dealing a dangerous new synthetic drug to kids. That’s really all you need to know.

This Means War

Chris Pine (Star Trek, Unstoppable) and Tom Hardy (Inception,Warrior) play CIA agents whose brotherly bond is tested when they fall for the same girl, played by chick-flick veteran Reese Witherspoon (Water for Elephants, Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama). She, in turn, falls for both of them – unaware that they know each other and are using the tools of their trade to surveil and sabotage her romantic encounters.

As Lauren struggles to pick one guy over the other, her best friend – played by Chelsea Handler (for all intents and purposes, as herself) – offers a myriad of crude, crass and comical advice. The love triangle turns dangerous for everybody when a bad guy with a grudge against FDR (Pine) and Tuck (Hardy) tracks them down to Los Angeles, where the obligatory gunfight and car chase ensues. Thus, the action-adventure part.

The plot is thin. The acting is shallow. And I don’t really buy Witherspoon’s character ending up with either of these guys. But what can I say? I still kinda liked it. Chalk it up to the post-Oscar-nom February Fluff Factor. And the eye candy.

 Man on a Ledge

Sam Worthington plays Nick Cassidy, an ex-cop who’s sent to prison for stealing a giant diamond from a wealthy and shifty businessman (Ed Harris). When Nick is allowed to attend his father’s funeral, he pulls off a daring escape and plants himself on the ledge of a high-rise hotel in Manhattan and proclaims his innocence. A police psychologist who ‘lost’ her last jumper attempts to talk him down, as a whole other series of events unfolds in a building across the street.

That’s all you’ll get out of me plot-wise.

Man on a Ledge is reminiscent of the 1998 movie The Negotiator with Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey. Both involve dirty cops, conspiracies and who-can-you-trust conundrums. The acting in The Negotiator was more intense, but Man on a Ledge does manage to keep you on the edge of your seat, with the constant sensation that you might fall off. So if you have vertigo or a fear of heights, rent The Negotiator instead.

If you’re in the mood for a combination thriller, psychological drama and heist movie that doesn’t cut too deep, then take the leap and catch Man on a Ledge.

The plot is a convoluted, and I get pretty tired of watching a woman get knocked around by men, even if she can take care of herself and ends up dispatching them one by one. Haywire will certainly not go down as one of Soderbergh’s hits. It isn’t a total miss, but it could use the some of the intelligent plotting of Traffic, or some of the wit of Ocean’s Eleven. Mostly it suffers from the lack of a female star who could make you care that everyone is trying to killer her. I’d say wait to watch this one on an airplane.

As the War breaks out, Albert’s father is forced by circumstances beyond his control to sell Joey to a cavalry officer to use in battle, and from there the horse goes through a series of owners, across battles, from the British to the German side and back again with a sojourn in a little girl’s care. Where we have seen a war through the eyes of many human’s over the years, here it is seen through an equine lens. The film is rated PG-13 for its realistic depiction of the war, and it is horrific. I am sure that many people have no idea how brutal the First World War actually was. And there is something of the same feeling in many of the scenes as in Saving Private Ryan, that brothers in arms camaraderie kind of thing– total carnage beautifully captured by cinematographic genius Janusz Kaminski.

Everywhere the horse goes, he finds a person who recognizes his greatness. There are lots of those triumph of the spirit moments. Joey is the fastest, the most beautiful, smartest, loyalest, etc. And he makes an equine friend early on in the war that stays with him through his many tribulations. Then mid-way through, Albert joins the army and you just know that he and Joey will end up somehow coming together one way or another, because it is a Spielberg film after all, and there just has to be a happy ending.

War Horse is designed to be a total crowd-pleasing, tear-jerker movie — good for the family (not the little ones) or a date — though I didn’t cry as much as I expected. Spielberg can be a little too sappy at times for my taste (especially that ending Steven!) Unfortunately, most of the characters are not all that well-drawn, and the horse, which should have a big personality, really doesn’t. He is just beautiful and brave. And it is a bit long (146 min). Ultimately, it is a throwback to the good old fashioned Disney family film with fairly generic salt of the earth characters. It does have a decent though mostly low-key cast including Emily Watson (Breaking the Waves), David Thewlis (Naked), Niels Arestrup (A Prophet), and Tom Hiddleston (Midnight in Paris). Bonus: My nephew tells me the lead actor who plays Albert (Jeremy Irvine) looks just like a young Tom Brady (as if I knew who that was.)

From a purely visual standpoint, The Adventures of Tintin is rather stunning with its use of motion-capture technology. But the story itself falls a bit flat, even at the direction of the almighty Steven Spielberg.

Here’s the gist: Tintin (voiced by Jamie Bell) buys a model ship at an outdoor marketplace, only to discover that a nefarious dude named Red Rackham (Daniel Craig) wants the ship so badly that he’s willing to kill for it. Turns out the ship, called The Unicorn, is one of a series of three model ships that together will unlock the ancient secret to a hidden treasure. Rather than relinquish the ship, Tintin (who can’t resist the urge to follow a good story) embarks on a dangerous journey on the high seas, where he ends up joining forces with a drunken Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis). Haddock holds the key to the entire mystery if he can sober up long enough to figure it out.

The movie, like the comics, is peppered with slapstick humor, social commentary, and quirky characters. In many ways, it feels like an animated version of Pirates of the Caribbean, with a couple of keystone cops thrown in (a pair of detectives named Thompson and Thomson, voiced by Nick Frost and Simon Pegg).

The Adventures of Tintin should appeal to nostalgic fans of the comic series and boys aged 8-12. Beyond that, it could be a tough sell. Then again, family movies are big this time of year, so perhaps Tintin will be able to capitalize on that.

The movie is rated PG for adventure action violence, some drunkenness and brief smoking. And while the motion-capture technology is awesome, the 3D doesn’t add much.

All the same elements are here that made the first one such a fun romp – the women (Noomi Rapace, Kelly Reilly, Rachel McAdams) who are lovely but peripheral, the Guy Ritchie-style fight scenes, the witty banter, the delightfully designed Victorian sets and clothes, and the most satisfying part of this franchise, the buddy relationship. Downey and Law really do have wonderful chemistry, which makes this kind of silly flick totally entertaining, even if it has a few scripting holes and you don’t ever get to know the girl that comes along for most of the ride. You don’t even notice that it clocks in at 129 minutes.

This time around the story centers on Professor Moriarty’s plan to start a World War and become a rich man by cornering the munitions market. He and Sherlock have a few scenes together where they play mind games with one another, and a few where they attempt to kill one another, and while the fate of the world lies in the balance, they even play a nice game of chess. And just to keep Holmes on his toes and out of his hair, Moriarty goes after Watson and his new bride, on the train to Brighton for their honeymoon, which of course brings Watson right back into the thick of the story, as the two of them race to stop the villainous Professor from destroying Western civilization.

This is the kind of movie where the story isn’t really all that important. It is all about Holmes and Watson having a ripping good time. As usual, the über-talented Downey goes all out, one minute fighting with a parkour-adept Cossack, the next showing up in another silly disguise (his urban camouflage is particularly fun), and later dancing with his perfectly sane sidekick Watson. It is this infectious sense of intelligent whimsy that will keep this series going. There are also some very funny scenes with Holmes’s brother Mycroft played by the hilarious Stephen Fry. [But if there was one thing I would ask of Guy Ritchie for the next one, could you please let Holmes shave? Downey is scruffy throughout and, as the minutes go by, more and more beaten and bruised. I'd just love to see that face in its beautiful, pure state for a scene or two before the brass knuckles come out.]

I’d recommend this one to anyone who liked the first Sherlock Holmes. It the same winning formula and I can see many more to come. It would be great for a date night movie, too. Cute guys for the chicks and lots of fight scenes for the roosters. Something for everyone.