Battleship is “inspired by” the classic naval combat board game by Hasbro. That explains why there’s no real plot or character development. Just your good ol’ fashioned heroes (go Navy!) and villains (Aliens, go home!).

The movie is like a bizarre mish-mash of Top Gun, Independence Day and Transformers, without any big movie stars (except for Liam Neeson, who adds a touch of gravitas to the cast but only appears for about 10 minutes. false advertising!).

Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch (Friday Night Lights) as Alex Hopper, a perennial screw-up who oozes charm and untapped potential. In an effort to force him to grow up, his older, responsible brother Commander Stone Hopper (True Blood’s Alexander Skarsgård) single-handedly drafts Alex into the Navy. Next thing you know, Alex is a Lieutenant, engaged to the Admiral’s daughter (“swimsuit model-turned-actress” Brooklyn Decker) and conducting naval exercises next to singer Rihanna (okay, so she doesn’t really play herself but, whatever.)

To make a long (inconsequential) story short, Alex must step up to the plate to save the world when an alien force drops in for a visit and cuts a path of destruction on land and at sea with flying ball-shaped things that go kaboom.

It has a blaring soundtrack, lots of eye candy, and cheesy dialogue that’s fit (enough) for a mindless almost-summer action-adventure sci-fi flick. I can’t recommend spending 10 bucks or more on it. But if you must go (and if you’ve already seen the far superior Avengers movie), just keep your expectations in check… and figure that it’s probably better than What to Expect When You’re Expecting (see Adventurous Chick’s review of that one).

Aside from the over-stuffed cast, the movie has a tendency of copping out whenever a dramatic plot point could develop into something truly poignant. That’s fine if it wants to be a straight out comedy, but unfortunately most of the jokes fall flat too. The audience at the screening I attended was almost completely silent and at one point, there was an audible gasp of shock/disgust at what was supposed to be a “funny” moment. The only time I really laughed was whenever Rebel Wilson appeared on screen. The Australian comedian/actress (she was also one of Kristen Wiig’s roommates in Bridesmaids) was the best thing about the movie, and hers was just a supporting role.

I’m not sure exactly what target market this movie is going for exactly — pregnant 30-something women I guess. But I suspect even they won’t be amused or moved, unless the pregnancy hormones are raging. Skip this one.

In fact, if you saw Dear John, you may actually think you’re watching a remake of the same movie, only this time it’s starring Zac Efron (instead of Channing Tatum) as the war-scarred soldier (er, Marine) and Taylor Schilling (instead of Amanda Seyfried) as the blonde chick he falls for. And instead of a letter, there’s a photograph.

The plot doesn’t really matter much. It’s basically about a U.S. Marine (Efron) who serves three tours of duty in Iraq and is convinced his life’s been spared time and time again because of a good-luck charm in the form of a photo he found resting in the desert sand after a particularly brutal ambush. When he’s finally sent home from war, he goes in search of the woman in the photo – and finds her, of course. But will he tell her why he’s really there? Will there be lots of miscommunications and drama and steamy kisses that leave little to the imagination despite its PG-13 rating? You betcha! It’s a Nicholas Sparks book-turned-movie!

So – bottom line. If you’re a fan of Nicholas Sparks books-turned-movies, or you think Zac Efron is hot, then don’t let those Rotten Apples at Rotten Tomatoes spoil your fun. And if you’re not a fan of Sparks and/or Efron, then definitely take a pass.

May the odds be ever in your favor

The premise is admittedly bizarre. Every year, a teenage boy and girl from the 12 districts of Panem are sent to the Capitol to compete in a nationally televised, fight-to-the-death competition known as The Hunger Games. The Games were created as punishment for an uprising against the Capital decades earlier – and perpetuated as a way to keep the districts in line. Think of the 12 Districts as home to the 99 percent. The Capitol houses the 1 percent.

The Games’ participants, known as Tributes, must fight one another until one survivor remains. And just like Texas with the Miss America pageant, some tributes are better prepped than others for the competition.

The heroine of The Hunger Games is Katniss Evergreen, played with an impressive mix of fear, stoicism, sarcasm, bravery and cunning by the very talented Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone). Katniss volunteers for the brutal competition in order to spare her little sister Prim – so you can’t help but root for her from the get-go. But these games aren’t just about winning. They’re about the lines we draw – and the lines we cross – in an effort to survive, and our willingness or reluctance to challenge the status quo. The books and the movie are tinged with themes of war, politics, morality, ethics, desensitization to violence and absurdity, and the role of reality television in feeding the frenzy. It’s also just good storytelling/drama. 

Here’s the rub:  I loved the first book (“The Hunger Games”), liked the second one (“Catching Fire”) and was less than satisfied with the third (“Mockingjay”). So I’m a bit concerned with how it might all play out in the end. But first thing’s first…

The Hunger Games movie is well cast and beautifully shot. I had some trouble warming up to Josh Hutcherson (The Kids Are All Right) as Katniss’s fellow tribute and potential ally/love interest Peeta. But he grew on me as the movie progressed. And I definitely look forward to seeing more of the hunky Liam Hemsworth (The Last Song) as Katniss’s long-time friend, hunting partner and potential love interest Gale. Other casting coups of note: Stanley Tucci as the colorful emcee of the Games, Elizabeth Banks as the flaky tribute chaperone Effie Trinket, and Woody Harrelson as drunken mentor Haymitch Abernathy. They add a strong shot of color and humor to the twisted proceedings.

Parents, be forewarned however. This movie is PG-13. Kids do kill kids. The violence is tempered with quick cuts and montages, but it’s still the stuff of nightmares. That said, if you’ve read the books, you’re going to see the movies. It’s really as simple as that. I highly recommend reading the trilogy beforehand to help plug in holes in character development and recognize the bits of foreshadowing. But reading the books is not mandatory. The Hunger Games can still hold its own for the general audience – including those adults who don’t want to be caught reading “teen lit” and still don’t ‘get’ the whole Twilight thing.

Bottom line: The odds will ever be in favor of this trilogy meeting hyper-expectations and selling oodles of tickets over the next few years. And did I mention that Taylor Swift is on the soundtrack? Cue the record sales. The book sales. And the box office.

Normally, I’d embed the trailer below. But the studios must have blocked the embedding option in their efforts to fan the flames of anticipation. Oh well. You can see it on YouTube if you’re really desperate. http://youtu.be/RNxb28j5C1w

In the meantime, in the spirit of rebellion, I offer this up instead:

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Emily Blunt (The Young Victoria, The Devil Wears Prada) plays Harriet, a British public relations executive who is given carte blanche to help a wealthy sheik realize his dream of bringing salmon fishing to the desert. She turns to the UK’s leading fisheries expert, Dr. Alfred Jones (Ewan McGregor) for help, but he finds the entire project completely absurd. So does the British government – until the Prime Minister’s press secretary (played by Kristin Scott Thomas) decides that the salmon project is just what the government needs to divert attention from another Middle East ‘project’ that isn’t going so well – the war in Afghanistan.

As the eccentric sheik eventually points out, the project isn’t just about fish. And neither is the movie. It’s about politics, diplomacy, cultural divides, and the hint of romance between the optimistic Harriet and the skeptical Dr. Jones.

The film has its flaws. The Sheik’s character (played by Amr Waked) is all over the place. One minute, he’s a cartoonish stereotype, and the next he’s a complex and sympathetic man on a mission – to bring peace, water, and lots of salmon to the people of Yemen.

But despite the occasional unevenness of character and tone, Salmon Fishing offers up a nice mix of drama, humor, sarcasm, cynicism, and inspiration. Hey, anything is possible – as long as you’ve got enough money, resources… and faith!

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen isn’t terribly deep or dark, which is probably why I liked it (and why I’m a Mainstream rather than an Arty Chick). It’s beautifully shot, well-acted, and well-paced (not too surprising, coming from the director of Chocolat and the Oscar-winning screenwriter of Slumdog Millionaire). And most important, it’ll leave you smiling – and perhaps wondering where Yemen is on the map. Look it up. I did.

The whole tragic mess stems from the father’s desire to take a short cut across another family’s land, which used to belong to his grandfather. The new owners deny him access, and the dispute escalates to murder, causing the father to become a fugitive. An ancient set of Albanian laws called Kanun basically allows an eye for an eye vengeance on the murderer’s family, particularly the males, and so the sons become prisoners in their own home. Nik is the oldest, a high school student seen early on pursuing a crush and planning to open an internet cafe, but his imposed isolation pushes him to try and find any solution, even if it puts his life at risk. His sister Rudina must drop out of school so she can take over her fathers bread deliveries and feed the family. And the father, who sneaks back to see them, does not understand that his freedom is their prison.

In some ways it feels like an ethnographic film, with the focus on fairly obscure cultural practices, and meetings of the village elders. (The audience that knows what Kanun and besa mean is probably pretty small outside Albania.) And it begs a lot of questions about families who have to live this way. Apparently these blood feuds go on for decades. How do they survive? But the performances are earnest and the story tense. The violence takes place mainly off-screen, but the threat of violence is ever present. The Forgiveness of Blood is not a film for everyone, but I would recommend it to those who are fascinated with the crossroads of the ancient and the modern worlds and what clinging to old ideas is doing to the next generation. This film does make you think, and to me that is a good thing.

Once back in their apartment, as Simin packs to move to her mother’s, Nader speaks with a young woman, Razieh (Sareh Bayat) about working in the house while he is at work, taking care of his father. She agrees to the job, but the next day she realizes that she will have to clean the father when he wets himself, and the first inking of a problem with the situation arises. She calls a religious hotline about whether it is a sin to see a man who is not her husband naked, arguing that the man needs her help. It is clearly more than she thought she would be expected to do and it turns out more that she can do for a number of reasons. And soon a much more serious issue arises, bringing her husband Hojjat into the story and setting up the major conflict in the movie, a law suit between the two couples. Saying more about the plot would ruin this incredibly taut, intelligent, gripping film.

The separations that the title refers to are many; class, religiosity and gender are critical to the story. Whereas Simin and Nader are middle class professionals, Razieh and Hojlat are poor, traditional working-class with strong religious views. And the court case is as much about Hojlat’s feelings of rage against the system as anything. But what is really fascinating are the shifting goalposts of truth. It is about the most intelligently written film I have seen in a long time. There are lots of small twists and turns, and you fear that everything could easily turn very bad at any second. The drama is punctuated by scenes in court, though decidedly different from courtroom dramas of the US. Here a judge sits behind a desk in a crowded little office and asks questions, then pronounces his decision. There are no lawyers, and it feels very Kafkaesque.

A Separation is an amazing film on so many levels — amazingly drawn characters, a perfectly constructed script, fabulous acting, a fascinating look at another culture, and so intelligent. It is mostly about the two couples, but there are two daughters who are also incredible. Yes, it takes place in Iran and it is subtitled, but don’t let that stop you from seeing it. It won just about every major award this year for best foreign film and it also took every prize at the Berlin Film Festival including best actor/actress for the entire cast. I highly recommend it!

The Vow stars Channing Tatum (Dear John, Step Up 2) and Rachel McAdams (The Time Traveler’s Wife, Morning Glory) as Leo and Paige, a couple of newlyweds whose vows are put to the test when Paige emerges from a coma with severe memory loss. She does not remember her husband – at all. As Leo struggles to woo Paige all over again, Paige struggles to reconcile a past that she remembers, with a present that’s a total blank.

The ingredients are all there for a classic chick flick, but the batter is only half-baked. Tatum and McAdams are cute and endearing early on, but the chemistry between them fizzles as the storyline takes some turns that feel predictable, forced, or unconvincing.

The Vow is inspired by a true story, so that’s enough to amp up the sap factor and keep you rooting for the couple – in real life as well as on-screen. But don’t be too quick to drag your Valentine to this one. You’ll both have more fun at the shallow but more entertaining This Means War (a romantic action comedy with sneak previews on Valentine’s Day and opening nationwide on Friday).

The Kevin we need to talk about is the demon child born to young Eva and Franklin played by Tilda Swinton and John C. Reilly. From the beginning, he torments his mother and acts like the angel when his dad is around. And so of course, Dad doesn’t believe Mom when she speaks ill of her child. Kevin manipulates Eva and revels in her pain, but he’s not a horror movie character like Damien in The Omen. Instead, this is a more nuanced character and the story unfolds in flashback. As the film begins Eva is struggling to cope with her post-catastrophe life. Someone has thrown red paint on her car and her house and she is heading out to interview for a menial job at a travel agency. In bits and piece we learn that Kevin killed a bunch of his schoolmates in a Columbine-style massacre, and as much as Eva knew how damaged her son was, she was powerless to do anything about it.

Watching We Need To Talk About Kevin is like watching a train wreck. You know exactly what is coming and yet it is so well done, you cannot look away. Fortunately, the major part of the violence is off screen. Tilda Swinton is amazing as a mother who is trying everything she can to get through to the son whose psycho inner life only she knows. And the two boys who play the son as a young boy, then as a teenager are scary good at portraying a very smart little monster. It is hard to recommend this to most people because the subject matter is so disturbing, but it has stayed with me. It is unlike anything else I’ve seen. And if you can get past the basic idea of it, it is amazingly good film making.

 Man on a Ledge

Sam Worthington plays Nick Cassidy, an ex-cop who’s sent to prison for stealing a giant diamond from a wealthy and shifty businessman (Ed Harris). When Nick is allowed to attend his father’s funeral, he pulls off a daring escape and plants himself on the ledge of a high-rise hotel in Manhattan and proclaims his innocence. A police psychologist who ‘lost’ her last jumper attempts to talk him down, as a whole other series of events unfolds in a building across the street.

That’s all you’ll get out of me plot-wise.

Man on a Ledge is reminiscent of the 1998 movie The Negotiator with Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey. Both involve dirty cops, conspiracies and who-can-you-trust conundrums. The acting in The Negotiator was more intense, but Man on a Ledge does manage to keep you on the edge of your seat, with the constant sensation that you might fall off. So if you have vertigo or a fear of heights, rent The Negotiator instead.

If you’re in the mood for a combination thriller, psychological drama and heist movie that doesn’t cut too deep, then take the leap and catch Man on a Ledge.