Battleship is “inspired by” the classic naval combat board game by Hasbro. That explains why there’s no real plot or character development. Just your good ol’ fashioned heroes (go Navy!) and villains (Aliens, go home!).

The movie is like a bizarre mish-mash of Top Gun, Independence Day and Transformers, without any big movie stars (except for Liam Neeson, who adds a touch of gravitas to the cast but only appears for about 10 minutes. false advertising!).

Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch (Friday Night Lights) as Alex Hopper, a perennial screw-up who oozes charm and untapped potential. In an effort to force him to grow up, his older, responsible brother Commander Stone Hopper (True Blood’s Alexander Skarsgård) single-handedly drafts Alex into the Navy. Next thing you know, Alex is a Lieutenant, engaged to the Admiral’s daughter (“swimsuit model-turned-actress” Brooklyn Decker) and conducting naval exercises next to singer Rihanna (okay, so she doesn’t really play herself but, whatever.)

To make a long (inconsequential) story short, Alex must step up to the plate to save the world when an alien force drops in for a visit and cuts a path of destruction on land and at sea with flying ball-shaped things that go kaboom.

It has a blaring soundtrack, lots of eye candy, and cheesy dialogue that’s fit (enough) for a mindless almost-summer action-adventure sci-fi flick. I can’t recommend spending 10 bucks or more on it. But if you must go (and if you’ve already seen the far superior Avengers movie), just keep your expectations in check… and figure that it’s probably better than What to Expect When You’re Expecting (see Adventurous Chick’s review of that one).

The movie also features a host of other reluctant heroes from the Marvel Comic Universe, including the Shakespearean thunder god Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the recently defrosted World War Two soldier-extraordinaire, Captain America (Chris Evans), the mild-mannered doctor-turned-green-monster-when-he’s-angry The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), the brooding guy who’s good with arrows, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), and the psychologically damaged superspy chick in a form-fitting bodysuit, Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson).

They’re called into action by Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), the persuasive head of an international spy agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., to retrieve some little blue box of energy called The Tesseract and save the world from an army of aliens led by Thor’s evil adopted brother Loki. I’ve gotta admit, the plot kinda lost me. But it really didn’t matter. The Avengers has a kick-ass cast and it’s a ton of fun watching the mish-mash of superheroes spar with each other, physically and verbally, then have each other’s backs – sort of – when the obligatory epic battle scenes commence. Go Team!?

The interactions between Captain America and Iron Man, between Iron Man and Thor, and between Thor and The Hulk provide the bulk of the entertainment. And Loki (Tom Hiddleston) makes for a quirky and engaging villain. Hawkeye and Black Widow definitely take a back seat in this one (and it’s easy to see why their characters don’t have their own movie franchises.)

The Avengers is written and directed by the uber-talented Joss Whedon, who knows how to make a well-paced crowd-pleaser. The movie is nearly two and a half hours long, but time – like Iron Man – flies. I’m not sure the 3D added all that much, but it’s definitely worth trying to see it in IMAX, or at least on a really big screen.

Bottom line: Even if you don’t know a Loki from a gnocchi, The Avengers is good for a solid cinematic escape.

Be sure and stick around for the end-credits, especially if you’re a comic book geek. There’s a small hint of what’s to come. Because – duh – the studios are already working on a sequel. And did I mention that Iron Man 3 is due out May 3, 2013… the Thor sequel on Nov. 13, 2013… and Captain America 2 in April 2014?  But first, we’ve got to get through the next Batman, Spiderman and Superman sequels and reboots! Ah, summer. Bring it on!

In fact, if you saw Dear John, you may actually think you’re watching a remake of the same movie, only this time it’s starring Zac Efron (instead of Channing Tatum) as the war-scarred soldier (er, Marine) and Taylor Schilling (instead of Amanda Seyfried) as the blonde chick he falls for. And instead of a letter, there’s a photograph.

The plot doesn’t really matter much. It’s basically about a U.S. Marine (Efron) who serves three tours of duty in Iraq and is convinced his life’s been spared time and time again because of a good-luck charm in the form of a photo he found resting in the desert sand after a particularly brutal ambush. When he’s finally sent home from war, he goes in search of the woman in the photo – and finds her, of course. But will he tell her why he’s really there? Will there be lots of miscommunications and drama and steamy kisses that leave little to the imagination despite its PG-13 rating? You betcha! It’s a Nicholas Sparks book-turned-movie!

So – bottom line. If you’re a fan of Nicholas Sparks books-turned-movies, or you think Zac Efron is hot, then don’t let those Rotten Apples at Rotten Tomatoes spoil your fun. And if you’re not a fan of Sparks and/or Efron, then definitely take a pass.

May the odds be ever in your favor

The premise is admittedly bizarre. Every year, a teenage boy and girl from the 12 districts of Panem are sent to the Capitol to compete in a nationally televised, fight-to-the-death competition known as The Hunger Games. The Games were created as punishment for an uprising against the Capital decades earlier – and perpetuated as a way to keep the districts in line. Think of the 12 Districts as home to the 99 percent. The Capitol houses the 1 percent.

The Games’ participants, known as Tributes, must fight one another until one survivor remains. And just like Texas with the Miss America pageant, some tributes are better prepped than others for the competition.

The heroine of The Hunger Games is Katniss Evergreen, played with an impressive mix of fear, stoicism, sarcasm, bravery and cunning by the very talented Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone). Katniss volunteers for the brutal competition in order to spare her little sister Prim – so you can’t help but root for her from the get-go. But these games aren’t just about winning. They’re about the lines we draw – and the lines we cross – in an effort to survive, and our willingness or reluctance to challenge the status quo. The books and the movie are tinged with themes of war, politics, morality, ethics, desensitization to violence and absurdity, and the role of reality television in feeding the frenzy. It’s also just good storytelling/drama. 

Here’s the rub:  I loved the first book (“The Hunger Games”), liked the second one (“Catching Fire”) and was less than satisfied with the third (“Mockingjay”). So I’m a bit concerned with how it might all play out in the end. But first thing’s first…

The Hunger Games movie is well cast and beautifully shot. I had some trouble warming up to Josh Hutcherson (The Kids Are All Right) as Katniss’s fellow tribute and potential ally/love interest Peeta. But he grew on me as the movie progressed. And I definitely look forward to seeing more of the hunky Liam Hemsworth (The Last Song) as Katniss’s long-time friend, hunting partner and potential love interest Gale. Other casting coups of note: Stanley Tucci as the colorful emcee of the Games, Elizabeth Banks as the flaky tribute chaperone Effie Trinket, and Woody Harrelson as drunken mentor Haymitch Abernathy. They add a strong shot of color and humor to the twisted proceedings.

Parents, be forewarned however. This movie is PG-13. Kids do kill kids. The violence is tempered with quick cuts and montages, but it’s still the stuff of nightmares. That said, if you’ve read the books, you’re going to see the movies. It’s really as simple as that. I highly recommend reading the trilogy beforehand to help plug in holes in character development and recognize the bits of foreshadowing. But reading the books is not mandatory. The Hunger Games can still hold its own for the general audience – including those adults who don’t want to be caught reading “teen lit” and still don’t ‘get’ the whole Twilight thing.

Bottom line: The odds will ever be in favor of this trilogy meeting hyper-expectations and selling oodles of tickets over the next few years. And did I mention that Taylor Swift is on the soundtrack? Cue the record sales. The book sales. And the box office.

Normally, I’d embed the trailer below. But the studios must have blocked the embedding option in their efforts to fan the flames of anticipation. Oh well. You can see it on YouTube if you’re really desperate. http://youtu.be/RNxb28j5C1w

In the meantime, in the spirit of rebellion, I offer this up instead:

21 Jump Street stars the oft-schlubby (Oscar-nominated turn in Moneyball not withstanding) Jonah Hill and the oft-hunky-romantic-drama lead Channing Tatum (The Vow, Dear John) as two under-achieving cops who are sent back to high school to find out who’s supplying and dealing a dangerous new synthetic drug to kids. That’s really all you need to know.

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Emily Blunt (The Young Victoria, The Devil Wears Prada) plays Harriet, a British public relations executive who is given carte blanche to help a wealthy sheik realize his dream of bringing salmon fishing to the desert. She turns to the UK’s leading fisheries expert, Dr. Alfred Jones (Ewan McGregor) for help, but he finds the entire project completely absurd. So does the British government – until the Prime Minister’s press secretary (played by Kristin Scott Thomas) decides that the salmon project is just what the government needs to divert attention from another Middle East ‘project’ that isn’t going so well – the war in Afghanistan.

As the eccentric sheik eventually points out, the project isn’t just about fish. And neither is the movie. It’s about politics, diplomacy, cultural divides, and the hint of romance between the optimistic Harriet and the skeptical Dr. Jones.

The film has its flaws. The Sheik’s character (played by Amr Waked) is all over the place. One minute, he’s a cartoonish stereotype, and the next he’s a complex and sympathetic man on a mission – to bring peace, water, and lots of salmon to the people of Yemen.

But despite the occasional unevenness of character and tone, Salmon Fishing offers up a nice mix of drama, humor, sarcasm, cynicism, and inspiration. Hey, anything is possible – as long as you’ve got enough money, resources… and faith!

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen isn’t terribly deep or dark, which is probably why I liked it (and why I’m a Mainstream rather than an Arty Chick). It’s beautifully shot, well-acted, and well-paced (not too surprising, coming from the director of Chocolat and the Oscar-winning screenwriter of Slumdog Millionaire). And most important, it’ll leave you smiling – and perhaps wondering where Yemen is on the map. Look it up. I did.

This Means War

Chris Pine (Star Trek, Unstoppable) and Tom Hardy (Inception,Warrior) play CIA agents whose brotherly bond is tested when they fall for the same girl, played by chick-flick veteran Reese Witherspoon (Water for Elephants, Legally Blonde, Sweet Home Alabama). She, in turn, falls for both of them – unaware that they know each other and are using the tools of their trade to surveil and sabotage her romantic encounters.

As Lauren struggles to pick one guy over the other, her best friend – played by Chelsea Handler (for all intents and purposes, as herself) – offers a myriad of crude, crass and comical advice. The love triangle turns dangerous for everybody when a bad guy with a grudge against FDR (Pine) and Tuck (Hardy) tracks them down to Los Angeles, where the obligatory gunfight and car chase ensues. Thus, the action-adventure part.

The plot is thin. The acting is shallow. And I don’t really buy Witherspoon’s character ending up with either of these guys. But what can I say? I still kinda liked it. Chalk it up to the post-Oscar-nom February Fluff Factor. And the eye candy.

The Vow stars Channing Tatum (Dear John, Step Up 2) and Rachel McAdams (The Time Traveler’s Wife, Morning Glory) as Leo and Paige, a couple of newlyweds whose vows are put to the test when Paige emerges from a coma with severe memory loss. She does not remember her husband – at all. As Leo struggles to woo Paige all over again, Paige struggles to reconcile a past that she remembers, with a present that’s a total blank.

The ingredients are all there for a classic chick flick, but the batter is only half-baked. Tatum and McAdams are cute and endearing early on, but the chemistry between them fizzles as the storyline takes some turns that feel predictable, forced, or unconvincing.

The Vow is inspired by a true story, so that’s enough to amp up the sap factor and keep you rooting for the couple – in real life as well as on-screen. But don’t be too quick to drag your Valentine to this one. You’ll both have more fun at the shallow but more entertaining This Means War (a romantic action comedy with sneak previews on Valentine’s Day and opening nationwide on Friday).

 Man on a Ledge

Sam Worthington plays Nick Cassidy, an ex-cop who’s sent to prison for stealing a giant diamond from a wealthy and shifty businessman (Ed Harris). When Nick is allowed to attend his father’s funeral, he pulls off a daring escape and plants himself on the ledge of a high-rise hotel in Manhattan and proclaims his innocence. A police psychologist who ‘lost’ her last jumper attempts to talk him down, as a whole other series of events unfolds in a building across the street.

That’s all you’ll get out of me plot-wise.

Man on a Ledge is reminiscent of the 1998 movie The Negotiator with Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Spacey. Both involve dirty cops, conspiracies and who-can-you-trust conundrums. The acting in The Negotiator was more intense, but Man on a Ledge does manage to keep you on the edge of your seat, with the constant sensation that you might fall off. So if you have vertigo or a fear of heights, rent The Negotiator instead.

If you’re in the mood for a combination thriller, psychological drama and heist movie that doesn’t cut too deep, then take the leap and catch Man on a Ledge.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

First-time actor Thomas Horn (a former Kid’s Week champion on Jeopardy!) plays Oskar Schell, a possibly autistic boy whose father (Tom Hanks) dies in the collapse of the World Trade Center. A year later, still reeling from the loss, Oskar finds a key hidden among his father’s belongings. He’s convinced that his father meant for him to find the key – and the lock it goes to. So Oskar embarks on a mission/journey that takes him through the five boroughs and into the homes and businesses of a vast array of characters who are all struggling in one way or another. It kind of reminded me of Pay It Forward.

Oskar is distant with his mother (Sandra Bullock), but he does allow one person in on his plan: a mute old man (superbly played by Max von Sydow) who lives at his grandmother’s apartment building across the way.

The movie starts off slow – and stays that way for well over an hour – but it packs a powerful emotional punch in the end. If you could judge a movie by the number of tissues I massacre in the final five minutes, then Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close would get a thumbs-up. However, since the first two hours failed to bowl (or bawl) me over, I can only give it an “eh”.