21 Jump Street stars the oft-schlubby (Oscar-nominated turn in Moneyball not withstanding) Jonah Hill and the oft-hunky-romantic-drama lead Channing Tatum (The Vow, Dear John) as two under-achieving cops who are sent back to high school to find out who’s supplying and dealing a dangerous new synthetic drug to kids. That’s really all you need to know.

Anyway, I went into the new Footloose with very low expectations, having been extremely disappointed – horrified even- by the 2009 reboot of Fame. But Footloose 2.0 didn’t suck. In fact, it was actually quite okay. It pays homage to the original (with Kevin Bacon and Lori Singer) while giving “today’s kids” a hipper, grittier, sexier take on the same basic story.

The movie features newcomer Kenny Wormald as Ren MacCormack, a sarcastic but soulful big city boy who moves to the small town of Bomont, where he hooks up with the preacher’s rebellious daughter Ariel (Dancing With the Stars pro Julianne Hough) and challenges the town’s ban on dancing in public.

Wormald and Hough are better dancers than they are actors, but they do a serviceable job with a mediocre script.  The movie takes a bit too long to find its rhythm – on and off the dance floor – but it’s fun when it’s grooving and it does end on a nice, albeit campy high note.  Is it as good as the original? Not even close. Would I rather Hollywood find new classics for a new generation rather than mess with another 1980s icon? Absolutely. Do I think that’s gonna happen? Sadly, no. In fact, a new Dirty Dancing is slated for release in 2013. Can Flashdance be far behind? Let’s hope not.

Note: Mainstream, Arty and Adventurous Chick aren’t exactly fans of the horror genre. So we recruited a chick who actually digs the stuff to check out “Straw Dogs” on Chickflix’ behalf.  So without further ado, here’s Guest Horror Chick…

I have to start by saying, I haven’t seen the original Straw Dogs (1971). Call me an uneducated, uncultured lameass, but I haven’t seen it. So  I went into this movie-viewing experience with no reference point at all except for the recent, overabundant release of other ’70s sexploitation/thriller remakes like Last House on the Left and I Spit on Your Grave. That said – having gone in with virtually no expectations – I was pleasantly surprised.

Straw Dogs is a story about a somewhat successful Hollywood couple, David (James Marsden) and Amy (Kate Bosworth) Sumner, who move back to Amy’s hometown in Mississippi after her father’s death. In this town, hunting licenses are as common as driver’s licenses, the front page of the newspaper showcases ducks crossing the street, and people don’t take kindly to people who don’t take kindly to church, football, or fried pickles. Almost immediately, David experiences a culture clash in the form of menacing locals.

Among these are Amy’s old flame from high school, Charlie (True Blood‘s abdominally endowed Alexander Skarsgård) and a drunk and overacting James Woods. These encounters lead to a bloody and explosive battle comparable to Stalingrad….well maybe not, but it is mentioned a couple of times as that is the focus of David’s latest screenplay.

Pointless subplots aside, the main problem with this movie is character development. You are so distracted by David’s overly polite, preppy persona that you never really experience the protagonist’s motivation, so when the action begins accelerating you are not quite sure if you really care if this guy dies or not. To credit James Marsden, he plays his character flawlessly, despite a few confusing facial expressions (if you see it, you’ll understand).

Oddly enough, what I found most intriguing about this movie is the way in which the extreme violence was executed (no pun intended). Most of these ’70s sexploitation/thriller remakes have frankly been disturbing…disturbing to the point where you want to shield your eyes from the shame of watching or vomit on the patron to your left. Though the violent scenes in this film were certainly disturbing, they were tastefully done in comparison. The filmmakers were able to make the point without inducing nausea or shame.

Overall, it wasn’t bad for what it was. It also taught me a valuable lesson: when your roof is being renovated by drunken hillbillies, remember to put on a bra. (again, if you see it, you’ll understand!)

About Guest Horror Chick: Meghan Kotlanger is a PR Professional by day and film student by night. She is a self-proclaimed nerd, and she spends her free time playing Xbox or watching terrible movies on the SyFy Channel.

Arthur, oh where to start? It’s a remake of the 1981 Academy Award winner. Yep, nominated for 4 and won 2. It starred Dudley Moore, Liza Minnelli and Sir John Gielgud. And it was a HUGE hit. 30 years later, we get Russell Brand, Helen Mirren and someone I never heard of named Greta Gerwig in the role made famous by Liza. Oh, and there is Jennifer Garner. The story is basically the same. Arthur is a lovable, hard-partying super wealthy Peter Pan who gets an ultimatum from Mom: marry Susan (Garner) who is a her hand-picked dream daughter-in-law or give up his fortune. Only Arthur doesn’t love Susan, and just when he has grudgingly accepted the inevitable proposition, he meets a poor girl who steals his heart.

In the latest version, Arthur’s butler has become his nanny (still named Hobson), played perfectly here by Helen Mirren who doesn’t ever give a bad performance really. She’s been with Arthur since he was 7 and is the mother he never had. She looks the other way when he is being stupid and cleans up after him, but genuinely cares about him when it comes down to it. On the way home from an auction where he bought Abraham Lincoln’s suit for an insane amount of money just because he can, Arthur meets Naomi (Gerwig) in Grand Central Station where she is conducting illegal tours and he instantly recognizes a kindred spirit. So of course, everything goes wrong. Susan finds out about Naomi, but Naomi didn’t know Arthur was engaged and kicks him to the curb, even though he was going to tell her. But this being a comedy, you know it will all work out in the end.

Arthur starts off strong with inspired opening credits and a funny first scene in a Batmobile, and there are some wonderfully witty bits of dialogue along the way, but there are also some deadly dull moments, like the whole middle section of the movie. Russell Brand and Helen Mirren have great chemistry, but the same cannot be said about Brand and Gerwig. And that is the main problem with this flick. Liza Minnelli’s Naomi was truly Kooky; Gerwig doesn’t have a big enough personality to match up to Brand who has a great flair for big comedy. He also shows that he has some dramatic chops in a couple of scenes. He’s one to watch.

I can’t say I recommend Arthur for a full-price movie outing. Save it for an in-flight pick or Netflix rental. Meanwhile, I’m going to watch the original again to see if it really was that good or if the story just doesn’t translate to the 21st century.

Forget Team Edward and Team Jacob. We’ve heard that director Tim Burton and star Johnny Depp are making a feature film version of the classic 1960s gothic TV soap opera Dark Shadows, and producer Graham King now confirms that the film will shoot in the fall, with Depp to play broody vampire Barnabas Collins.

“We’re actually going to shoot that film next September/October with Tim Burton and Johnny,” King said in a group interview Friday in Los Angeles, where he was promoting The Young Victoria.

Burton is still finishing post-production on Alice in Wonderland, which also stars Depp and opens March 5, 2010. King is already prepping production on Dark Shadows with screenwriters so that it is ready for Burton to shoot next fall.

“We’ve been working on the script a lot, even though he’s working on Alice,” King continued. “We’ve been given a script. John August wrote the first screenplay. We’re making some changes, but the film’s going to be in production, as I say, September or October of next year.”

Dark Shadows was a daytime soap opera on ABC from 1966 to 1971 featuring Jonathan Frid as Collins. NBC tried a weekly prime-time series reboot in 1991. The original was famous for its gothic tone and setting.

King said the Dark Shadows film would have something to say in the post-Twilight world of emo vampires, but wouldn’t spoil the new take. “This is going to be Tim Burton and Johnny doing a vampire movie, right?” King teased. Enough said.

Personally, I can’t wait.

In the meantime, you can catch up on the old ones. And boy are they fun! They’re so horrible, they’re great!

Dark Shadows: The Haunting of Collinwood

Dark Shadows: The Vampire Curse

It says a lot that I can remember “Coco” and “Bruno” and “Leroy” and even “Mr. Shorofsky” from 29 years ago. Yet I strain to recall a single character from the version I just saw.

Like the original, the movie centers on a diverse group of students attending the New York High School for the Performing Arts – a place that celebrates and cultivates their natural talents as actors, singers, dancers and musicians.

Unlike the original, the characters and storylines lack any real depth. One minute, it’s Audition Day to get into the highly competitive school. The next, it’s Graduation Day! Four quick years of teen angst, life lessons, parental conflict and teacher tidbits… punctuated by the occasional musical number.

American Idol does a better job of milking the drama.

The casting seemed promising at first, with the likes of Bebe Neuwirth, Kelsey Grammer, Megan Mullally and Charles Dutton as the instructors. But their roles have no meat (and there’s one scene with Mullally at a karaoke bar that’s just plain stupid). Original Fame cast member Debbie Allen appears briefly as the school’s principal – a choice that would have made sense if she were still “Lydia Grant”. But here she’s “Angela Simms”, delivering the same lines (“You’ve got big dreams? You want fame? Well fame costs. And right here is where you start paying – in sweat.”)

Teenagers will likely recognize some of the younger leads (I had no clue)… Kay Panabaker, Walter Perez, Naturi Naughton, Asher Book, Kherington Payne, Collins Pennie… If so, they’ll probably want to see the movie, and will (teen/tween girls in particular), even if it pales in comparison to the likes of High School Musical, Hannah Montana, or the new show, Glee. Sad, isn’t it?

Adults looking for a trip down memory lane are better served renting the original or checking out the musical clips on You Tube – such as Irene Cara’s version of “Out Here On My Own”. Hopefully, a new generation of teens will see them as well and learn a very valuable lesson: that some movies simply cannot or should not get remade. Are you listening, Hollywood?